January 2021

A Note from Lesley...

This month I am diving back into Group Coaching for Caregivers. About a year ago I was being interviewed to become a Volunteer Provider at Pathways, A Healing Center, in Minneapolis. Covid-19 halted that process. At the end of 2020 I was able to share my ideas and experiences with the team at Pathways and we deemed it was a good fit for me to facilitate two virtual groups starting in 2021: Caregiving at a Distance and Isolation During Covid. 

At the writing of this newsletter I have had the opportunity to facilitate both groups for the first time and it was a good challenge to get back in the Group Coaching seat. The struggles and hardships during this unprecedented time weighs even more so on those with catastrophic and terminal illness and their caregivers. It gives me such purpose to share my strengths and presence as a health coach with those who show-up for these groups. I will continue to facilitate these one-off virtual groups every month to the Pathways participants that need them. 

Have You Filled a Bucket Today

There is this great children’s book by Carol McCloud called Have You Filled a Bucket Today. The premise is that we all walk around with these imaginary buckets, and we either choose to fill one another’s buckets up with kind words and gestures, OR we are bucket dippers, dipping into eachother’s buckets through hurtful words and actions. And it is important to note that the author points out that often bucket dippers have empty buckets themselves.

This morning I realized that if I am to be isolated in my home with my family, it will be imperative that each of us heighten our awareness around our buckets. Becoming aware not only of how full or empty our own bucket is, but also those in our family. To be specific, heightening our (yours and mine) awarenesses around our spouse’s, children’s, and roommate’s buckets. Especially if these days turn into weeks…. or months. 

So this morning at the breakfast table I shared my thoughts around the importance of saying kind words to one another, especially during this time. I noted that this could get harder as time moves on; More pushing buttons, more frustrations, and increasing emotions with the uncertainty of our future. 

I am planning to read the book to my family today and have a discussion on how we can be aware of our own bucket and each other’s bucket; being mindful of not only filling each other up with words and actions, but also when one of us is running on empty, how to notice that and respond appropriately with love and grace. The latter is important, because often we are not even aware that our bucket is depleting due to changes in work, constant news feeds, and the uncertainties we find ourselves facing at this time.

I feel with the isolation and our fears surrounding this pandemic our buckets will empty even without hurtful words and actions by our loved ones. I sense we will be more easily frustrated, anxious, with more raw emotions, and more quick tempered. This is why I feel it is vitally important to notice others' buckets, the root causes, and respond accordingly...  with love and grace.

Sending you love and grace today.

Put Your Own Oxygen Mask On First

When you ride on an airplane, as we all know, we are asked to put our own oxygen mask on first before assisting our children or other adults that need help. Why? Because if we don’t and fail to get our own mask on to start the flow of live-giving oxygen we might not be able to assist others.

I had an experience 8 years ago where I denied my emotions in order to support those around me during a difficult time. (I did not put on an oxygen mask - I did not see that I needed to.) I felt I needed to stay strong in the face of uncertainty. Months of emotional denial led to an output of vocalized frustration, anger, and resentment towards those closest to me. I decided to get help on the recommendation from a friend who said, “just do it.” 

I needed that push. 

With support I finally cried but... I did not yet understand the connection between the denial of my feelings - which I was doing to “best” support those around me during a time of uncertainty - and the brewing and combustive feelings of anger and resentment. 

Months later, in reflection I came to realize that I did not go through the emotions of those uncertain times because I was denying putting my own mask on first and pushed those feelings down in order to support those around me. 

Let that sink in. 

I denied my feelings in order to support those around me who were experiencing the same uncertainties I was. And when I denied those feelings, my own feelings, they eventually bubbled up and affected my relationships with those closest to me.

During this global pandemic, as we are isolated in our homes, I plead for you to feel your emotions, become aware of your fears and your mental thoughts, and share them with your support system. Do not be the warrior who does not put their own oxygen mask on first - it won’t do you any good in the long run. Take it from me. It is okay to be scared, fearful, sad, lonely, mad…. Add your feelings to this list. Now let's put our oxygen masks on…. What do you need? What will support you in this time? 

Go do that first. 

Then you will be the warrior your support system needs.

Energized, Encouraged, Empowered

In launching Village Health I am stepping into the unknown. As I said to a fellow colleague recently,

“I am in an exploration phase. Seeing what is out there. Questioning which opportunities resonate with me. Not closing any doors, but staying open.”

I am in limbo, and I am planning for and expecting to be here for a while.

Each opportunity will only be a temporary stepping stone to wherever it is I, and Village Health, are headed. This limbo stage will take some guts and confidence, and as I have heard from others... it is easy to get tripped-up in the unnerving unknown.

So how do I keep putting one foot in front of the other?

How do I stay energized, encouraged, and empowered?

Well… actually this part of my journey started well before the launch of Village Health.

You see I had this Health Coach…

With her I felt seen, I mean really seen. In our sessions she would pay close attention to my non-verbals, my facial and body expressions behind the spoken words, and she would reflect her observations back to me. She used her heightened intuition when offering questions for me to ponder. Often those questions would ruminate in my mind for days or weeks as I walked my path. She also offered words of wisdom - and boy did those words often challenge my deepest fears. But she knew I was up to these challenges, and wouldn’t have offered them otherwise.

I always walked away from these sessions energized, encouraged, and empowered. And thus this journey towards Village Health started…